Here’s a question all men will one day ask themselves: How to understand women?
It’s true: between the ones who seem to be totally in to us, only to reject us at the last minute, and those who have trouble opening up, it’s hard to find any sort of pattern.
And even on a basic level, it seems like gender effects our way of being and seeing things. Men are ideologically defined as leaders and providers, and women are seen as sensitive caretakers – maybe because of their reproductive role.
Of course, this view is increasingly problematic as time goes by. The sexual revolution, gender equality, the entry of women into traditionally male fields (e.g., combat sports, jobs requiring physical strength, leadership positions) have made it so.
Do these changes make it any easier to understand women? Let’s take a look at that question!
To understand women, forget social myths
First of all, one thing is clear: Men make far too many assumptions about women these days. They are weak, less intelligent, more interested in money – all these prejudices have to be challenged in a society that is moving towards equality.
Statistically, studies show that girls are better in school, and that they can endure pain past the point where we men would pass out (like in childbirth, most notably).
If you want to understand women, start by giving up the image of them as poor little defenseless creatures. Like you, they are individuals who are a product of their time, who are growing, and who have full mental capacities. Having a penis doesn’t make you all-powerful.
Traditional gender roles have evolved and it’s easy to see that most women are doing more than we are. In most homes, mothers work AND take care of the housework (e.g., cooking, cleaning, etc.).
If men were to do the same, they would complain all day. But we continue to see this as a female duty – it’s time to evolve.
In short, the first priority is to deconstruct the archaic view of women’s role in society. Without doing that, you will never be on the same wavelength as women.
Understand women by thinking about their needs
If we accept women as our equals, we should be interested in their aspirations so that we can understand where they are coming from. If we focus on THEIR needs and interests while we’re pursuing them, we’re less likely to be seen as pushy assholes.
Perhaps more than men, women have a strong need for recognition. They have to struggle continually to show that they legitimately deserve the same status accorded to men.
This is the main reason that drives women to pursue their studies or further their careers.
From this need for recognition comes a desire to be respected, appreciated for what they are and not what they seem to be. The adoption of a macho attitude won’t get you anywhere – very few women will find it attractive!
One issue for women, likely related to physical factors, is the need for security.
Women like to feel protected, to be kept safe, but not at the risk of losing their freedom.
Finally, in terms of relationships, women are driven by the need to please, to feel attractive and desirable. But contrary to what many men may think, this isn’t necessarily sexual in nature (at least not at the beginning). Women are recognized as icons of sensuality, but pointing out that she gets you hard isn’t the way to fulfill this need. You’ve got to be smoother, more subtle. You need to be able to keep your distance, while admitting that these marvelous creatures have an effect on you.
Show that you understand women through your behavior
It is often at this point that men’s view of women gets all mixed up, and our thinking gives way to our primitive instincts.
Given that women are, like us, looking for respect and recognition, why change our attitude when we are around them? Why do so many of us act so differently around women?
Talking ourselves up, showing off, or even, on the contrary, placing our dream girls on a pedestal, won’t do anything to help us move towards a more equal relationship!
The way to show that you understand women is actually very simple: be yourself and don’t let your emotions get the better of you.
Don’t be afraid to interact with women, and always keep in mind that you are not talking to a weaker or less important creature. Understanding women requires a balance between a black-and-white view of gender relations and over-the-top adoration.
In conversation, don’t worry too much about saying the right things or buttering her up. The goal is simply to show her that you respect her, but don’t see her as an unattainable goddess.
A player is someone who can talk to a woman the same way he talks to an old friend: with the right amount of humor, seriousness, respect and admiration, and without flattering her!
So, do you think you understand women? Not yet? Well, start by looking within yourself, since difficulties understanding others often is linked back to a personal failure, like a lack of self-confidence!
See you soon!