If you ever thought you wanted to experience passionate love, an all consuming desire to support the one you love, you probably also realize that marriage isn’t as rosy as it seems in the movies (depending on what kind of movies you watch).
The reality of a relationship is very different and evolves over time, like it or not. When the concepts of safety and comfort settle in the daily life of a couple, the risk of a dry routine setting in is high. Nothing surprising about that. Everything is new and beautiful at first, and repetition kills that beauty.
The paradox is that you might think that through shared experienced a couple becomes more solid through time. But weariness can also cause them to begin to see each other in a new, less flattering light. We often forget that seduction applies to couples, too.
Are you going to be able to keep the flame of your love burning? The choice is obviously yours. But I’m here to help give you some ideas about how to do just that.
1.Why not transform your routine?
Almost universally, the routine is seen as something negative, because of its repetitive, boring nature. However, you can use it to build a stronger emotional bond.
It is possible to create a productive routine, based on shared points of interest between two people. Both parties need some independence, but they also need to do some things together. Here are some ideas:
Sports: maintaining a fit body is important, and it can be motivating to do it with someone else. Shared gym and jogging sessions can be a good way to motivate each other and find fulfillment at the same time.
The little splash of transcendence that athletics provides is always a positive factor and the spirit of competition can lead the couple to really share intimate moments. There are all kinds of activities to choose from:
- Outdoor Sports: Tree climbing, biking, hiking, horseback riding, orienteering, rock climbing, skating, tennis …
- Water Sports : kayaking, swimming, rafting, diving, boating
- Indoor Sport activities: Yoga, fitness, bodybuilding, badminton, squash, dancing, gymnastics…
Intellectual activities: Intellectual stimulation should be part of your life. Why not do it together? A couple which can share core values by communicating important ideas has a solid, heavy anchor.
So why not take action in your community? Fight for some cause together (political or defending a cause that is dear to you) or promote a personal quest for knowledge (through travel, a two person reading group)? Long term goals in this vein can be quests that you work towards together, building a strong basis for a relationship.
The first thing to remember is that the routine itself is not the problem. At least not by itself. You can create a routine that helps rather than hurts. It is rather dullness and complacency in the absence of action (DVD evenings, quick meals on the coffee table, lack of demonstration of mutual appreciation …) which are harmful. From time to time, kick your relationship out of the ordinary.
In this context, the element of surprise is your friend. There is an endless list of ideas, but no matter what, they should show your empathy, your willingness to demonstrate just how important your partner is to you. I’ve cooked up some ideas for you:
- Surprise dinner by candlelight, at home or some place comfortable
- Improvise weekends trips or parties with some of your partner’s friends
- On a whim going to see a flick or a show, either at the theater or to a musical
- Offering flowers or small gifts—but only when she doesn’t expect it!
- Starting a photo album or a scrapbook with no specific purpose
- Invite some in-laws or go visit them
- Go pick up your partner, coming out of his or her workplace
Small gestures, when they are sincere, can really breathe new life in a loving relationship, allowing it to strengthen the mutual trust and the assurance of mutual appreciation. These gestures often cost next to nothing and can make all the difference … do you want to miss out on a way to cement your relationship?
At this point you get the point: you have all the tools to cement your relationship. I’ve given you a sampling of how to do this, and you get the logic of why this is important: personal involvement in a relationship is not a bad thing if it is done right.
The more you demonstrate your commitment to your girlfriend, without falling into excessive dependency and acting needy, the more chance you have to keep her by your side.
If your imagination is still not firing with the right idea … you can always just ask your partner’s preferences through conversation and finally give her (and yourself) a vibrant lifestyle that will please both of you!
Enjoy the ride, my friend!