A note before we dive in…
If you find this offensive, arrogant, cocky and misogynistic, close this window and go read Rihanna’s or Justin Bieber last news. I just watched Game of Thrones Finale (season 5) and I’m pretty annoyed by its ending. Therefore, I don’t need to deal with your bullshit or whatsoever. Like it or not, this is my Blog—I write whatever the fuck I wanna write about.
I knew you will stick around.
Last Sunday, my friends and I were chilling at my place drinking some beers when Bozena, one of our closest friend, asked Dave this : “I’m seeing this guy and he is a real asshole, I can’t quiet get him… this guy is impossible, I don’t even […] he is like Kamal.. how to date Kamal?“
Surprised, I look at her and said: “What the fuck Bozena, you think I’m an asshole?“
It’s a compliment, man. Chill! Bozena said.
How to date you Kamal? She added.
And so our discussion began about the top tips to date an asshole or a “guy like me”
So in this article, I’m gonna share with you those tips and advice we discussed, and hopefully it will help you, to land the (asshole) man of your dreams.
1. Make me feel like the most important man in the WORLD!
There is one special moment in a man’s life…
It’s the moment when he shuts the hell up and think, deep down: “Maaaan! she is the ONE!“
Before you know it, he is already making moves to stole your heart—forever.
And if this happens, it means you did a great job, my lady. Well done.
By great job, I mean, you made him FEEL like he is the most important man in the world. Your world.
because he is.
You have to be like his PR agent.
Always praise him, always ‘sell him to others’ (without being cheesy or annoying got it?)
You must be PROUD of him no matter what. He is working his ass off trying to make the world a better place and he is also working hard to take you to Maldives every year so you can piss off all those bitches you hate on Facebook. So why not be proud of him?
When he takes you out to some exclusive party, go out there, put the most expensive and sexy dress you’ve got, but most importantly, put your most beautiful smile on your face, and let the world know that he is the most important man in the world.
Which bring me to my next point…
2. Don’t try to make me jealous. It simply does not work.
Not on me.
We live in a jungle.
There are Alpha Males, and there are Beta Males.
And pussies… lots of them.
Making a beta male jealous, will drive him crazy and he will definitely loose it. Hell, he might even try to kill himself.
Congratulations, you won.
You won… a beta male.
And who the hell wants a beta male?
I know you don’t.
So if you try to make me jealous, you just compare me to some other loser man that I don’t even think he plays in my league.
“THIS man, here, seriously?“
Remember, you have to make me feel like the most important man in your world. Going out there and flirting with some pussy will only make me laugh and will make you loose points. Goodbye. It has been a pleasure knowing you.
Good night and good luck.
3. Get straight to the point!
I’ve got things to do and wasting my time with some deep-second-level-guess-game language, is not my thing.
You got tired of my shit? Tell me.
You don’t wanna see me anymore? Tell me.
You wanna see me more? Tell me.
If I call you and it happens you have your period and you don’t wanna see my face— say it. Don’t tell me you have to go pick your grandmother from some village nowhere to be found, or tell me that your cat has cancer and you have to take care of him.
I don’t give a fuck.
Just. Tell. Me.
Get straight to the point. Be honest. Be direct.
I will love you forever.
4. Be fucking BEAUTIFUL!
I get invited to charity events, exclusive parties, and fancy galas.
And so will you.
Beauty is in the inside…
… said the ugly people.
Beauty is beauty.
And you have to be beautiful. Period.
By the way… By beautiful, I mean: Feminine.
I’m not asking you to be Miss Universe. I’m not asking you to be a Victoria Secret Super Model.
All what I’m asking you is to be… feminine.
Embrace your femininity and be proud of it.
Wear high heels, put on sexy lingerie and love yourself.
Talk like a woman, walk like a woman, dress like a woman.
BE a woman…
I will love you forever.
5. Lose your damn iPhone
If I take you out to some fancy restaurant and you put your phone on the table, that means one simple thing :
You don’t give a fuck about me.
I like to compete with men, REAL men… if you make me compete with a phone, a damn phone, you are out. You are done.
Hide that baby, keep it on your purse, I don’t want to see you reply to all these Friend-Zoned horny beta males who are trying to sleep with you. It’s a lack of RESPECT and lack of Classiness!
You got the most important man in the world in front you. Why are looking at your phone?
Oh… and if you want to annoy me even more, check your phone ten times while we are at the movies. That bright screen messing with my eyes making me loose focus, means that you understand what respect is all about.
Have fun with the pussies and beta males.
PS. I don’t consider myself as an asshole, but after reading this article you think I am one, well, I don’t really care.
PPS. Maybe your ‘asshole man’ is just a rebel? Somebody who sees things differently? He is. I want you to watch this video, it kinda summarize my whole article. You are welcome.